6 ways to give up perfectionism and focus on being excellent

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve realised that striving for perfection kills success! Here I share 6 ways you can quit that habit.

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve realised that striving for perfection kills success!  I know that sounds counter intuitive, but bear with me.

If, like me, you have always been a bit of a perfectionist, then you will have looked at the heading of this blog and said to yourself ‘well they are the same thing aren’t they?’.

I have learnt (the hard way) that they are not. The sooner that you give up on perfect the happier (and more productive) you will be.

There’s a huge difference between doing something well and doing it perfectly. Attempting to be perfect results in feelings of inadequacy, and interferes with your ability to complete work.

Excellence, on the other hand, is attainable and is always more than good enough.

I have, finally, come to realise that my perfectionism was a sign of being overly concerned with someone else’s expectations and ideas of perfect. External factors that I can’t even control. Other people’s expectations have nothing to do with my own potential, skills, or knowledge.

When I changed my focus from perfection to excellence, I knew that whatever task I set out to do would be completed at a high enough level so that it would be more than good enough. This was something that I could control – it became all about me and what I wanted to achieve rather than some idea of perfect that I had imagined someone else held.

Here are some of the sentences that resonated with me when I started out on my journey to give up perfectionism.

Perfectionists value themselves by what they do. Pursuers of excellence value themselves by who they are.

Perfectionists, when they run into difficulty, get overwhelmed and give up. Pursuers of excellence experience some disappointment, but move on.

Perfectionists can be devastated by failure; pursuers of excellence learn from it.

Perfectionists remember mistakes and dwell on them – for ever in some cases! Pursuers of excellence correct mistakes and learn from them.

Perfectionists want to be number one. Pursuers of excellence can live with not being the best, especially when they know they’ve tried their hardest.

Perfectionists hate criticism; pursuers of excellence see criticism as a way to learn.

Perfectionists have to win to keep high self esteem.  Pursuers of excellence will feel good about themselves because they did their best.

I have to confess, I am still struggling with one or two of those. But, you can’t change a life time of addiction overnight!

Giving up a habit of pursuing perfection might seem challenging at first. So think about it like this: when you pursue excellence instead, you’ll be happier, more productive, and less stressed!

Here are 6 ways to give up on perfectionism.

1.Recognise perfection as a problem. Understand the difference between perfectionism and high standards. Realise that while having healthy  high standard is good for you, being a perfectionist is not.

2 Always do your best. If you are confident that you have made your best effort then you can do no more.  Accept that. Tell yourself, you have done all you can. Look at all the good things you have achieved. Put the mistakes down as a learning opportunity and move on.

3. Decide on a level of excellence before starting anything. Be clear about what you are aiming for. Set realistic goals and once you have met that level – leave it alone. Being more than excellent is not necessary!

4. Love yourself as you are, including your imperfections. See the bigger picture and know that you are worthy as a person. Failing to be perfect does not make you a bad or unworthy person. Be more accepting of yourself.

5. Always consider what you would say to a member of your team. Wouldn’t you reassure them if they were anxious about something not being perfect? If you were looking at what you have done as if it were a colleagues work would you be saying it wasn’t good enough? Look at what you have done from a different perspective and talk to yourself as you would to others.

6. Show up, get it done, and enjoy the journey! Waiting for perfect will stop you from being excellent. You will never feel happy and fulfilled if you are always super critical of yourself. 

As a leader you have to be setting the example for others. Your colleagues need to know what is expected, and those expectations have to be realistic. Excellent – of course! But, striving for excellence does not mean perfect. 

Plus, don’t forget perfectionism leads to procrastination. There is no better excuse for not doing something than the pursuit of perfection. As an excellent leader you won’t have time for procrastination.

Trust me – neither perfectionism nor procrastination will serve you well, so chuck out both habits and get on with being excellent.

10 ways to overcome overwhelm

Feeling overwhelmed?  You are not alone!

A common problems for leaders is that we become overwhelmed due to all the different demands on our time and energy. It’s very easy to allow it to get the better of us and this results in anxiety, stress, and fear. This 10 step guide will help you to overcome overwhelm and help you to be your best

Feeling overwhelmed?  You are not alone!

A common problems for leaders is that we become overwhelmed due to all the different demands on our time and energy. It’s very easy to allow it to get the better of us and this results in anxiety, stress, and fear. Often this leads to mental, emotional, spiritual and often, physical, pain.

As a leader the pressures are going to be great at times and we have to be super savvy to do everything required of us, as well has provide the support that others need from us.

There are steps that we can take towards keeping things in balance and avoid this overwhelm taking control. Often all it takes is a shift in focus. It involves changing and amending our mindset.  Why? Well, because we tend to get what we focus on. If we focus on feeling overwhelmed, we can become even more overwhelmed. The more time and energy we spend being anxious about everything we have to do, the less time and energy we have to start doing anything at all. It’s a vicious circle which gets tighter and tighter.

In my life this feeling of overwhelm has stopped me from achieving things that I now know I could have achieved.  Because of overwhelm I have limited my own possibilities, given up, or didn’t even try to do some things.

Does this resonate with you?

If so let me share what I have learnt.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or even completely defeated right now, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s OK to sometimes not be OK!  Being not OK today does not mean that you will feel like this forever – you may not even feel like it tomorrow! You can and you will bounce back. The trick is to use strategies which help you to overcome and then avoid the overwhelm.

The way out of the overwhelm trap is to change the thinking and actions that drive it. So, here are some strategies that you can use to avoid feeling like you’re at the end of your tether.

1 .       Breathe and let go of the past

The first and most important way that you can avoid feeling overwhelmed is to breathe. Breathing exercises, where you focus on your breath can help to do a number of things. Breathing in deeply and holding that breath helps to deliver more oxygen to your blood. Breathing exercise helps to calm the nerves while also detoxifying the body.

Breathing also releases carbon dioxide, which is essentially a toxin built up in the body. It rejuvenates the lymphatic system with the delivery of that oxygen. It helps to stimulate and create hormones such as serotonin and dopamine, literally making you happier. As you breathe in deeply, draw your breath for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4 and release for a count of 6. As you release, feel the negativity of the past leaving your mind and your body. (Trust me on this one and actually imagine it floating away from your body.)

Doing this doesn’t mean that you will be cured of your overwhelm but it will reduce the effects that overwhelm can have on you. Do the exercises for at least 5 minutes every time you feel the overwhelm come back and do it with intent.

Unless you believe it will work it won’t work – but it totally works for me. So much so that I finish every day with a few minutes mediation before I go to sleep. I sleep better for it.

2.       Change the narrative.

Very few people manage to keep a completely positive narrative in their mind. We are so much better at listening to the negative voice in our head than the positive one.  Past mistakes, other people’s comments, things we were told when we were growing up, all help to create the soundtrack that runs in our head. Here’s a shocker – not everything you think is true!  Ban language/thoughts such as, “I won’t be able to handle it,” “I can’t cope”. Tell yourself you can cope, you have coped, you will cope. Yes, you have 200 emails, but you can handle it. Yes, you made a mistake in the past, but you now know what not to do! Turn up the volume on the positive voice and tell that negative one to GET LOST! It takes practice but the more you do this the easier it gets. Never believe everything you think about yourself!

Believe me I still hear my negative voice  – she’s a real cow to me! But my positive one is so much louder these days.

3.       Release toxic energy

Exercise is a great way to help shift your focus when you’re feeling overwhelmed. I HATE exercising but try to do something anyway. A brisk walk is all you need to get the blood pumping and release more of those powerful happy hormones in your body and mind. Again, the mindset you have is vital. When you walk, go to the gym, swim – whatever floats your boat – focus on the exercise and how it feels in your body and mind. If you are walking focus your mind on how that feels – working up your body – in your feet, legs, hips, back, abdomen, arms and neck. Walk with intent and breathe to feed those muscles. Imagine the good energy flooding into your body.

Yoga is great for this and so is Tai Chi – which is much harder than it looks but fabulous for releasing toxic energy without even breaking into a sweat!

4.       Understand your values and your beliefs.

We often feel overwhelmed when what we’re doing on a daily basis doesn’t make us happy. This is because it is contrary to who we are, or what we believe in. When you feel this way, it’s time to reassess what you value and what you believe in. The easiest way to do this by writing it all down. What do you value? What are the most important things to you in life? What do you believe in? Then, take a look at your goals. Are you actively pursuing your long-term goals in your daily life? Are those goals in harmony with what you value and believe in? The truth is that we often do things for the wrong reasons, thinking that we have no other choice, when in fact we have a very powerful choice in the matter.

I really really wish I had been sat down 30 years ago to work out what was important to me. Now I know and I achieve so much more.

5.       Do one thing that you love

One way to avoid the feeling of overwhelm is to do one thing that you absolutely love to do. What haven’t you done for ages that you keep thinking you need to do? What’s stopping you? If you love to walk on the beach, plan a trip to the beach and do some walking. If you love going to park and reading a book, do that. you enjoy listening to a particular song? Whatever it is, do it.

For me this is painting. I hadn’t painted for years and I started colouring as a way of stilling my mind. Now I just paint, even if for only a few minutes. It doesn’t matter whether my paintings are any good. All that matters is that I enjoy doing it and it stops me thinking about everything else for a few minutes.

6.      Implement good self-management

People call this time management, but in reality we cannot manage time. We all have the same amount of time. No one has more than the next person. How well we use time is up to us though.

Are we wasting our time on things that don’t help us progress? So often we spend more time fretting about doing something than it would actually take to just do it. We have all done it, spent half an hour shuffling our work around, convincing ourselves that we don’t have time for something. Maybe spending some time having a little moan about it, if not to others at least in our heads? I’ll be honest – I do this exact thing all the time. My answer … JUST DO IT!

Seriously, just start doing whatever it is. Nothing is ever as difficult as we imagine it will be. Stop doing things that are neither urgent or important and get started.

A few tips for using the time you have as effectively as possible….

Start your day organised. A random approach will lead to overwhelm. You will start reacting rather acting and this can quickly spiral. So begin each day with a little plan for the day ahead. Know what you will focus on and you’ll feel more purposeful. Be clear about the ‘must do’s’. If you can, plan in some ‘if I do them now they are done and off the list’ tasks. This will create space another day. Write a ‘today’ list, as well as a ‘to do’ list and tick things off. Writing things down creates space in our heads. You will feel so good when you look back and see how much you ticked off.  But, don’t give yourself a hard time about what didn’t get done today. Re-evaluate and if they have now become ‘must do’s’ then put them at the top of tomorrow’s list.

Set your intention. Set an intention and timeline for each activity. By x time I will have done y. And reset this with each new task. If you can, take at least 30 seconds to bring full focus to whatever the next task is.If you are working on major pieces of work go on a short walk (it can just be to the kitchen) before switching to another activity. Use that time to refocus on the next task.

Qualify urgency.Time pressure is a huge factor in overwhelm. It drives a belief that everything is an emergency and must be done immediately. Nonstop motion makes everything appear urgent. We need to qualify the urgency of tasks, and take a breath to do so. What’s the urgency of doing it now? Busyness isn’t the same thing as being productive. Understand the timescales and plan.

7.       Set boundaries

In life we all try to do too much. We take on too many responsibilities often because we don’t know how to say no.

At work it should be clear what is expected of us but if you have too much going on in life generally it can be work that suffers. This becomes another vicious circle because then you start worrying about work as well as everything else in your life. If this is you you need to think about how you can set boundaries. Much as we like to think that we are super beings, we are really not. There is only so much that we can cope with.

If you have a lot on at work, you may need to rebalance life out of work and take more time for yourself to rejuvenate.

If your load feels completely overwhelming take responsibility for looking at what is possible and what is not. Is it that you have too many tasks, or that you don’t use your time as well as you could? Evaluate the problem and establish a plan for addressing the issues.

This is where a good deal of honesty is needed. Some times you are going to have to adjust how you spend your time to ensure that what matters gets done. It can be difficult to set boundaries in work of course so for me this is about changing my mindset about what is most important at any given time.

If I am required to do a piece of work which I hadn’t planned for then I have to decide what I can spend less time on than planned.

Often I find it is still possible to get everything done, but I may have had to take some shortcuts, or take a more simplistic approach, than I would have liked.

8.       Set the terms of engagement with devices.

Turn off devices and check them at set times. Shut off the attention seeking messaging and interruptions. You will feel more in control, not at the mercy of an avalanche of notifications, rings, pings, and pulses. Cut the volume of email, and use strategies to do so. Do you get a lot of unwanted irrelevant emails?  If so use the block, junk and unsubscribe options. Do you get a lot of personal messages? Turn off the notifications and don’t give in to the idea that you have to respond to them immediately.

When you are at work try to avoid being constantly interrupted by events outside of work. This is one of the biggest changes in the workplace over the last 15 years and one of the biggest devourers of time. In the past we weren’t even allowed personal calls without permission! Now we are expected to manage both our work world and our home life simultaneously. Not that I want to go back to having to ask to make a personal phone call, but putting our phones out of sight can massively reduce distractions

9.       Stop multitasking

Multitasking is a myth. Loads of studies have proven that you can’t do two cognitive tasks at one time. Each time you multitask you self-interrupt. This, in turn increases the time it takes. Sometimes by up to 50% longer, to complete tasks. The interruptions make your brain feel that tasks are harder than they really are. And, this fuels, those feelings of overwhelm.

I am a terror for trying to multi-task but have learnt that to do my best work I really must focus on one thing at a time.

10.     Reach out for support

When overwhelm is at a level that is causing serious health issues, say something—to a manager, supervisor, spouse, significant other. Reach out for support. Others can help us to examine our stories and bring fresh perspective. There are always other ways of arranging things.

So often I have felt completely overwhelmed but, when I have reached out, shared how I feel and then I am asked ‘what can I do’, I realise that I don’t actually need any help. I can suddenly see a way through.

Finally, and this is a good tip for life in general… WORRY LESS. We tend to worry about everything. Literall, if we don’t have something to worry about then we find something! JUST STOP IT!  I am going to start right now by not worrying about all the mistakes I have probably made in this blog!